"Tell you what, if the fella doesn't turn up, I'll give you £200 for it."
That was the sentence that started it all. A simple few words.
That was nearly a month ago. I'm now staring out of my window looking at a 16 year old untaxed, un-mot'd, purple Ford Escort convertible with a smile.
I've given it a polish and a wax, a little bit of love and a name already. You have to name your cars, it's not the law but it bloody well should be. Anyway, Juliette is the name of this particular racing pedigree Dagenham dog. The name came easily as I already have a lighter colour purple 'scort convertible called Julian (apologies to those named Julian, but it's a very gay name for a very gay car). Juliette just seemed apt for the new one. I've taken out the pot purri that had filled the door pockets and boot (yes, honestly it was in there) and it's now back to how ford intended it to look ish. There's no stereo in there at the moment, well, there is but it's in the boot waiting for me to get off my arse and find it a cage to sit in, but as far as I know, the speakers work. There's a tear in the driver bolster and it's done a lap of the milometer so it's trying to convince me it's only done 18K but that a fib. It's been used more than a drunken porn starlet. I don't know if it's an original feature but theres a little rainbow sewn into the passenger seat which hints towards the homosexualness of the rest of the car.
In approximately 241 days and a handful of hours, this currently unroadworthy beast that Im glancing at will be at the startline of a Sky & ITV televised 3,000 mile rally across Europe. Hopefully, in approximately 245 days it will be back in England still running. I've just paid for myself and my welsh co-halfwit to enter the ScumRun. Previously known as scumball rally it's in it's 6th year. I've never done anything remotely similar before and the little angel on my right shoulder keeps reminding me it's for a childrens charity and I'm a good person for doing this. The devil on my left shoulder keeps telling me it's a 4 day bender in foreign parts with no wife to tell me off. Whichever I listen to, I'm now in it til the end.
The aim of ScumRun is (apart from have a bloody good laugh) to race cars worth less than £500 across the continent and raise money for a UK childrens charity.
I've filled in the application form on line and it asked for a team name. This I hadnt expected so I scratched my head and text my mate Gruff (real name Gareth but Gruff seemed to stick). "Looking at the car mate, it's got to be camper than camp". The accelerator doesnt seem to sit right, so we dubbed ourselves "The Floppy Throttles"
I've written to quite a few companies today requesting that they throw money my way to get their logo / website / picture (anything really) on the vehicle as cheap advertising and hopefully someone will want to help out. Anything from a fiver to a grand will be gratefully received.
At the end of the rally, Juliette will be hunting for a new home so is going on eBay with final profits going to charity as well.
I'm intending to update on here on a regular basis so if you want to, please throw comments in and give us some stick or praise, feel free. In the meantime, I'm going to try and sort out some purple suits so we look like a proper set of idiots :)
Savage
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